I
ONCE MET ... HEWARD GRAFFTEY
It was
never intended for The Ambler to exist in symbiosis
with the mighty ColbyCosh.com, but there are worse fates,
I suppose, than to be the oxpecker to his rhinoceros. In
the event, CJC's sketch
of Heward
Grafftey, The Last Progressive
Conservative, seemingly, poignantly "under the
illusion that it was still 1976," reminds me that I
had met the man a year earlier.
We sat next
to each other on an Air Canada flight. I was a 20-year-old
Vancouverite, on my way to Montreal to visit Westmount
Rhodesians. Grafftey was a 46-year-old MP returning to his
riding. I didn't know Grafftey from Adam, not being
particularly interested in Canadian politics at the time,
but he introduced himself and proved a delightful
conversationalist, not the slightest bit pompous or
self-regarding. He regaled me with hilarious anecdotes
about the drug habits of certain Major Leaguers, slander
he'd gleaned from Expos owner and friend Charles
Bronfman.
Grafftey: The Gnome from Brome
I have
always loved gossip and been fond of those skilled in the
telling, but I was also rather touched by Grafftey's
forthright gluttony. After wolfing down the inedible meal
Air Canada had provided, he took longing looks at my
disgusting entrée, which may or may not have been
chicken.
"Are
you going to eat that?" he asked.
"I
don't think so," I replied.
"Do
you mind?" he continued, fork hovering over the
mystery meat.
"No,
no, by all means."
"Are
you sure?"
"Be
my guest."
Gosh, he
was pleased. Inside every fat man lives a little boy with
an innocent, paradisial vision of the Second Helping.
After our
flight landed, I met him again at the baggage carousel. My
ride, who rejoiced in the name Jeep, was late. Grafftey
kindly offered a ride into town, but I declined and said
goodbye.
It is a
commonplace that politicians are, with few exceptions,
nasty men and women. Are they born nasty, or is nastiness
thrust upon them? An eternal question. I can report that I
knew several people before their political apotheosis and
later watched in horror as they became conceited and
condescending, consumed by what they imagine is their own
importance. Of course I knew Heward Grafftey for only six
hours or so, but 30 years later I remain impressed by how clubbable
he was. He may be a fool, but I wish there were more like
him.
Kevin
Michael Grace, 2.16 pm, 15 January 2006►
THOUGHT
FOR THE DAY
Truth-telling
is sometimes tough but always free of costs, but lying --
though easy to accomplish -- exacts an awful charge.
-- Rabbi Jacob Neusner
Kevin
Michael Grace, 11.39 pm, 14 January 2006►
OH,
ALL RIGHT THEN
I can't say
no to Jay
Currie, so here are Five Weird Things About
Me:
1. I'm
afraid of the dark
2. I've
never had a driver's licence
3. I
cannot abide having my sternum touched; this induces an
anxiety close to panic
4. I can
easily name all five members of the "classic"
Uriah Heep lineup (David Byron, Mick Box, Gary Thain, Lee
Kerslake, Ken Hensley), despite never owning any of their
records or even liking their music. I once saw the late Mr
Byron hail a cab from outside a London pub, though
5. I once
(circa 1996) had an erotic dream about Ellen
DeGeneres. She and I were going at it hammer and tongs and
were about to, um, consummate when she begged off,
explaining that she just couldn't do that. I awoke
distraught, feeling that I'd let down the side
Sorry, the
tag dies with me.
Kevin
Michael Grace, 1.59 pm, 13 January 2006►
THOUGHT
FOR THE DAY
There are times when, as
Burnham said (I am roughly paraphrasing here), there is no
problem because there is no solution. Some predicaments do
not have solutions, at least not man-made solutions. It is
the lunacy of all modern political ideologies to believe
that their plans can solve all major human predicaments;
now trans-humanists and the nuttier nanotechnologists
believe that they can eliminate basic predicaments that
are part of our very nature.
There is something astoundingly
naive in the conviction that there is always a solution,
always a way out of a jam. That is the cardinal tenet of
an irresponsible man or of a Hollywood writer: the
difference is that the latter gets paid to create
fantasies, while the former tries to live out his
fantasies without any concern for what it might do to
other people. Optimism takes this occasional
irresponsibility and makes it into a creed, indeed into a
way of life. But in a world where men are mortal, fallible
and subject to passions, some consequences are final or
irremediable, except by the miraculous, except by grace.
Because they deny or minimise this, many
"optimists" are really very impious.
There are some genuinely
religious people who make the mistake of identifying the
virtue of hope with "optimism," but hope is a
theological virtue because it is closely related to and
dependent on faith, which requires confidence and trust in
God in spite of whatever we may encounter in the world.
Hope is the proper attitude of man to anticipate the
enduring goodness of God -- it is not really some wistful
belief that "everything will come out right."
Hope does not rule out all manner of terrible trials,
suffering and what the world would regard as spectacular
failures. Hope is the expectation of deliverance by God in
the midst of all those calamities that shake our
confidence in God. If we have hope, it is very hard for us
to be "optimists."
-- Daniel
Larison
Kevin
Michael Grace, 11.47 am, 13 January 2006►
THE
SHRIMP INCIDENT
Life
imitates Larry
David. From the Associated
Press:
Family:
Man Died After Ducking Flying Shrimp
MINEOLA, NY -- A
shrimp a hibachi chef tossed at a man eating at a Japanese
steakhouse ultimately led to the diner's death, his family
claims in a $10 million wrongful death lawsuit against the
restaurant chain Benihana.
Jerry Colaitis wrenched his
neck when he ducked to avoid the shrimp in the chain's
Munsey Park restaurant, attorney Andre Ferenzo said in
opening statements Wednesday.
Yes, but
had the dead man attempted to disinherit his son after his
son's friend had attempted to persuade him he should share
the wealth with his son before death so the latter could
escape from a menial job but failed after taking offence
at the estate lawyer's "casual Friday" dress and
then met the son's friend's attractive wife in the
Japanese restaurant to discuss willing his fortune instead
to her environmental cause only to be interrupted by the
son's friend who tried to explain that the son hadn't put
him up to it, whereupon he was met by an enraged waiter
whom he'd previously insulted by asking him whether
Japanese men customarily gave orchids to each other, which
precipitated the fatal toss, whereupon the son paid back
the friend the $5,000 he had lent him, which precipitated
an attempt by the dead man's nephew to accuse the friend
and the son of conspiracy to murder and an attempt to
strangle the friend, whereupon the friend was forced to
again consult the Japanese acupuncturist he had fallen out
with upon receiving orchids from him and to sign over to
him the cheque he'd received from the dead man's son, this
to settle a disputed wager?
Kevin
Michael Grace, 10.37 am, 13 January 2006►
HAPPY
CLAPPY
Colby Cosh nominates
the following as the "Unintentional-funniest moment
from the McLaughlin Group's 2005 year-end awards":
McLaughlin Okay, time for the Group to grade planet
Earth, A through F, for 2005. Pat?
Buchanan: I'm going to give it an F. I think the
world is really headed toward a war of civilizations. I
think the West doesn't realize the trouble it's in. I
think the whole global trade regime is coming down. And
I think the Islamic threat is coming to the West.
McLaughlin: Elinor.
Elinor Clift: My list of threats is different from
Pat's. I think the environmental degradation is
something to be really concerned about. Even Republicans
acknowledge global warming is real. More people are
getting AIDS than last year. The trend line is the wrong
way.
Funny strange or funny ha-ha? Cosh doesn't say. He does
conclude, however:
Somehow this seems to sum up
"conservative" and "liberal" in a
nutshell: equally pessimistic about the world, for
entirely different and mostly bogus reasons.
This won't do, I'm afraid. Unless, of course, one
reasons a priori that pessimism is always bogus.
I'm perfectly willing to entertain the possibility that my
transition from grumpy young man to grumpy old man
explains why I believe Buchanan understates the case in
threats 1, 2 and 4. But I'd like to see an attempt at
refutation, lest I be strengthened in my prejudice that
libertarianism is merely Couéism
with a high-tech Postrel
gloss.
Kevin
Michael Grace, 8.51 pm, 12 January 2006►
THOUGHT
FOR THE DAY
What Dr
Johnson said about illness applies just as much to
disability: "Disease produces much selfishness. It is
so hard for a sick man not to be a scoundrel."
-- Richard
Ingrams
Kevin
Michael Grace, 7.48 pm, 12 January 2006►
A
QUESTION
I'm sure Glory
Road is as inspiring, empowering and
stand-up-and-cheer-inducing as the trailer
makes out. A teachable moment, as they say. But I have to
ask: Were reverse stuffs commonplace in NCAA basketball in
1966?
Kevin
Michael Grace, 7.38 pm, 12 January 2006►
MORE
HUMAN THAN HUMAN
My debate
question for Stephen Harper would have been:
Describe in single words only the good things that come
into your mind about ...
your mother
Kevin
Michael Grace, 5.44 am, 11 January 2006►
THOUGHT
FOR THE DAY
The child
does not belong to the state; it belongs to the parents.
The child was given by God to the parents; he was not
given by God to the state.
-- Peter
Maurin
Kevin
Michael Grace, 5.38 am, 11 January 2006►
